Leper

So I am not sure if he is cheating or not. I confronted him about it and he said that she was just a good "friend" from his crew in Afghanistan. But the whole things seems to fucking shady. Like messaging all the time, I mean I have friends too but I am not on the edge of my seat waiting for the next message. The whole gym thing is so suspicious, like going at the exact same time every day. Lolligagging till around 8:30ish then leaving. I am probably reading into things too much. I need to relax. I have to have trust right, that is what a marriage is based on. So I guess everything he is saying could be true but you know that feeling in the back of your head that won't go away, that maybe something is really wrong? Well I really can't get that fucker to go away.

So, about being a leper, well that is totally what I feel like. He isn't interested in having sex with me. I am not sure if it because I am pregnant and unattractive or if he is caught with some bitch. Or maybe it is combination of the two things. But I mean it even comes down to taking a fucking shower. He isn't interested in showering with me either. There is always some kind of excuse, like using the bathroom which takes the whole I'm in the shower, or gotta go smoke before I shower. Which is just weird because he has always been the one in the family to give people crap for smoking too much.
I really don't know what to think or do about anything right now. I am just trying to stay busy so my mind doesn't wonder too much but it is so hard when I am carrying his child and taking care of his daughter.

I can not wait till I can just go and drink and forget my troubles. Just a couple more days. I just have to keep telling myself that I will be able to go out and meet people soon without having the "mommy" label given to me automatically.

I wish I had friends I could chill with that didn't know or care that I was married with kids so that I could act a fool.

OH - PS: He is has been taking a shower for about 10 minutes without the water running. Hmmmmm, I wonder what is really going on? eBuddy - what a joke!